he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
