Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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