just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
