I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My liver just broke up with me...
so let's talk penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
