I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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