glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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