I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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