shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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