so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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