Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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