We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
