i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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