You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
