you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
