Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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