Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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