Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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