Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i drank out of a bidet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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