I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
