trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
