I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
