did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We are all done wearing pants today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
