I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
