Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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