My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize