I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
