May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
