I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
