wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
