white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
