im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
