She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
