i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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