when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
