Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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