I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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