a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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