if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
