i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
