Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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