it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize