Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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