I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
