So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
