Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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