She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
