I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
