i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
