What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
