That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
