I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
