today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
