I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
whose parrot is this?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
