Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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