PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
