i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
