2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
