i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
