I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
