Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
