i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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