Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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