your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
