but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
