Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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