all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this will be a night to untag.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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