i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
