Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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