I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
