you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
