would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my being single is dangerous.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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