I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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