if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
