I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm too high and old for this...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize