My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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