He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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